I haven’t owned a scale until recently.  I loved having no idea what I weighed.   It was liberating.  But for whatever reason I decided to buy one.

All of a sudden I found myself stepping onto the scale every morning before I got into the shower. I didn’t realize how toxic this ritual was as I began to let the numbers on the scale dictate the way I felt about my body and ultimately my value.  If it was a low number I felt like a million bucks, but if it was higher than I wanted to be I felt awful about myself.

I took a break.  I was tired of letting a number hold so much weight in my heart.  Instead of tuning into a number I started to check in with how I was feeling in my body.  And lately I have been feeling fantastic.  I have been running more regularly, doing yoga, eating lots of fresh veggies, drinking green juice almost daily, and have found myself craving less chocolate.

changing my perspective So today as I got into the shower – the scale seduced me to step on it again.  I did.  And I did not like the number I saw.  I immediately began to listen to the mean self talk that started stirring in my mind – trying to figure out what I needed to cut out or deprive myself of.  What I was doing wrong.  Why I was failing.  That dialogue lasted for a few minutes.  Until I realized – I feel great, I am taking good care of my body.  Where did this obsession come from of having my beauty and worth be tied to a slender number.  Isn’t the most important thing to feel vibrant and alive?

photo-33So the scale didn’t win today.  I’m learning.