I haven’t owned a scale until recently. I loved having no idea what I weighed. It was liberating. But for whatever reason I decided to buy one.
All of a sudden I found myself stepping onto the scale every morning before I got into the shower. I didn’t realize how toxic this ritual was as I began to let the numbers on the scale dictate the way I felt about my body and ultimately my value. If it was a low number I felt like a million bucks, but if it was higher than I wanted to be I felt awful about myself.
I took a break. I was tired of letting a number hold so much weight in my heart. Instead of tuning into a number I started to check in with how I was feeling in my body. And lately I have been feeling fantastic. I have been running more regularly, doing yoga, eating lots of fresh veggies, drinking green juice almost daily, and have found myself craving less chocolate.
So today as I got into the shower – the scale seduced me to step on it again. I did. And I did not like the number I saw. I immediately began to listen to the mean self talk that started stirring in my mind – trying to figure out what I needed to cut out or deprive myself of. What I was doing wrong. Why I was failing. That dialogue lasted for a few minutes. Until I realized – I feel great, I am taking good care of my body. Where did this obsession come from of having my beauty and worth be tied to a slender number. Isn’t the most important thing to feel vibrant and alive?