I had the distinct pleasure of spending these past two Saturdays celebrating with a whole crew of family of friends.  The days were full of talking, laughing, eating, pondering, drinking, introducing old friends to new friends and connecting.

When the day was over I picked up my phone and opened back into the world of Instagram & Facebook. I usually use these apps as a primary form of connecting with others but after connecting with real people, this felt secondary and I didn’t seem to care the way I usually do.

Yet on a day to day basis that is the thing I do constantly, checking in with people’s updates – often with the intention of wanting to feel connected, but more often than not – feeling disconnected, not good enough, interesting enough, clever enough, successful enough, etc – and feeling like I never will be.  I compare, and I let my value be determined by the amounts of likes or comments I get.  Like if you can relate! ;)

I login in an attempt to connect, but also to disengage, distract, and fill up any empty spaces.  But I’m starting to wonder what would happen if I allowed moments of nothing – waiting  & transitional times – to get notifications and messages from myself, instead of the online world.  These internal messages will ultimately guide me in my life, rather than thinking I should follow all this other input that I see.

My quality of life is very rarely drastically enhanced after scrolling through the feeds.  And yet, these platforms can be so useful and have transformed the way information is shared.  There is so much good, my habits recently just haven’t been so good.

I think if I set guidelines around how and when I engage – and ensuring mindfulness backs up my intake, I may have a different experience.  The thing is I always try this, until one day I wake up tired and scroll through the internet before I leave for work.  It’s all a process, let’s see.

Today I have made it until 5:00 pm without looking at my personal email, Facebook, & Instagram – and I am able to hear more from me.

and what it stands for.

Rituals are so sweet.  They keep me tethered while life happens.

Edible rituals can be a delight.  As the temperature drops I often crave a hot cup tea or a beautifully crafted cappuccino, usually paired with some kind of sweet treat.

I woke up Sunday morning and wanted that comfy ritual, so I went to a cafe and ordered a cappuccino and a chocolate croissant.  With my treats in front of me – I opened my journal and I realized I didn’t even want the coffee or croissant.

I wanted what they represented instead:  leisure, relaxation, idle time, & indulgence – all so i could contemplate.

I drank the cappuccino, had a few bites of the flaky, buttery pastry, wrote in my white moleskin, and then hit the pavement – with a wrapped up half eaten chocolate croissant in my purse – onto the next thing.  I was hungry for more time in that cafe, not necessarily for the treats they serve.

It was interesting to realize do I actually want what I am eating – or what it represents? Could I access that feeling in a different way?

Some examples: Do I want the freedom that exists in a bottle of beer or the irresponsibility that lies in between the crust & cheese of the pizza pie?  Or can I find that elsewhere?  Do I need the comfort of rich & creamy vanilla ice-cream – or would a call home, a snuggle, or hug do the trick?

Not to say cappuccinos & croissants, pizza, beer, and ice-cream are no longer in my future.  For that would be a bleak future indeed.  Instead I will tune into what it is I really want.  And in the meantime  create space for tea parties with friends, foamy cappuccinos in solitude, delectable pastries, with circular conversations, journals open, and hearts wide receiving the warmth.

May you experience whatever you would like in your days ahead.

I am planning to create: clarity, connection, and freedom – while feeling supported, nourished, & creative.

I have started off the new year in a beautiful way: mindfully tuning into the root of what it is I want.  It seems like something that should be so easy, but I am discovering there are layers to peel before I can get to the root of it all.  Luckily I have The Desire Map, written by Danielle LaPorte, to sink into and discover what it is I really WANT to feel during this new year, not what I think I should do, or would be good for my image- but what I really want to experience, what my soul craves.

The best part of it all, is I am getting to dive with one of my beloved friends who is visiting from Mexico.  It is so special doing this work with a friend to reflect with while drinking tea or spiced cider, and I can’t wait for future collaborative mapping sessions.

I am taking my time as I move through this book, as LaPorte gives you freedom to do – soaking it in.  I love how she writes, I am eating it up, and I love uncovering the feelings that I will allow to guide me in the choices and actions I make this new year.

On growing happiness rather than smushing it:

‘Happiness is carbonated consciousness.  It wants to spill out and radiate and be articulated.’ – Danielle LaPorte