I’d rather give than receive, and forget about asking – it makes me super uncomfortable.  I’d rather just do it all myself, regardless if it is practical or not.  So I do it all until I can’t anymore and end up remedying the situation with a chocolate bar & cookies.

Since being pregnant – I’m offered seats on the subway and my immediate response has been: thank you, but that’s OK – i’m fine standing.  I wasn’t really fine, but I just didn’t want anyone to give up something they had in order for me to have it.  Eventually I started to graciously accept these offers thinking – if they really didn’t want to give their seat to me, they wouldn’t have offered.

It’s all a choice.  To give, to receive, and to ask.  Even if one is easier than the other.

Asking – now this is a huge hang up.  I believe I should be able to do it all by myself, like superwoman, so when I can’t, or I fall short – I let that determine my self-worth.  In my mind – asking for help = weakness, so I muster up every bit I have to trudge through the task ahead.  That is until I can’t anymore and eat an entire bag of potato chips.

See a trend here?

With the holiday season upon us, there is a whole lot of parties, shopping, cooking, socializing, and decorating going on.  A lot of us givers end up over giving and meltdowns can be plentiful – all of a sudden we are on empty but still have 50 miles to go.

Instead of constantly giving.  What would happen if we received? If we asked for support?  If we politely said no?  If we did less?  If we under-committed instead of overcommitted?  Imagine the space & ease that would provide.

These are questions I’m asking myself, and trusting they will guide me into a magical, miracle filled last month of the year.   May they do the same for you.

Today I burnt sage to clear the space of our apartment.  Out with the old, in with the new. I felt like I was back in 5th grade burning incense at my BFF’s house – it was awesome.  I picked up a bundle of sage at a very cool store downtown on Christopher St.  and the woman showed me a ritual to clear the energy.  I opened all the windows and lit the bundle of sage.   I moved through each room and made circles in all the corners of the apartment and then directed it out the window.  The woman said the corners are where it is believed the lingering energy gets stuck, so by making circles I gathered what was remaining and sent it out on its way.  While thinking: release this stagnant energy so new experiences can flow freely throughout all corners of this home.  It was fun. Kind of quirky.  Something new.

So things are coming along.  Furniture is arriving, we are prepping to paint, (well, Aaron is), and only a few boxes remain unpacked.  It is a blessing to create and fill this space mindfully and with love.  Since this place is our base, where we recharge, and regroup – I find it important for it to be as welcoming and orderly as it can be.

Home, the spot of earth supremely blest,

A dearer, sweeter spot than all the rest.

~Robert Montgomery