I haven’t owned a scale until recently.  I loved having no idea what I weighed.   It was liberating.  But for whatever reason I decided to buy one.

All of a sudden I found myself stepping onto the scale every morning before I got into the shower. I didn’t realize how toxic this ritual was as I began to let the numbers on the scale dictate the way I felt about my body and ultimately my value.  If it was a low number I felt like a million bucks, but if it was higher than I wanted to be I felt awful about myself.

I took a break.  I was tired of letting a number hold so much weight in my heart.  Instead of tuning into a number I started to check in with how I was feeling in my body.  And lately I have been feeling fantastic.  I have been running more regularly, doing yoga, eating lots of fresh veggies, drinking green juice almost daily, and have found myself craving less chocolate.

 So today as I got into the shower – the scale seduced me to step on it again.  I did.  And I did not like the number I saw.  I immediately began to listen to the mean self talk that started stirring in my mind – trying to figure out what I needed to cut out or deprive myself of.  What I was doing wrong.  Why I was failing.  That dialogue lasted for a few minutes.  Until I realized – I feel great, I am taking good care of my body.  Where did this obsession come from of having my beauty and worth be tied to a slender number.  Isn’t the most important thing to feel vibrant and alive?

So the scale didn’t win today.  I’m learning.

Riding this Self-Love Train all the way to

Thought #3 – connecting to your inner wise self.  To that internal knowing & that full acceptance.  I took some advice from SARK or Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, and wrote a letter to myself from my inner wise self.  That part that loves it all and truly understands everything is just right.  The part that loves the version of your life that exists NOW instead of the one that you are anxiously awaiting or planning for.

Pen to paper this is what came out:

Dear Luscious Leah,

I simply adore you for all that you are and all that you want to be (and yet actually already are). I love the ways you are finding to nourish yourself and your commitment to health & wellness.  I love your round, soft, sometimes ‘too fat’ belly – it is just perfect and stands for all the things you are.  I love how you constantly reflect on your life and find ways to improve and grow.  Just remember all the amazing things you are already up to.  I know you like to discredit.  So you can stop that.  Live up today as you do every day: Free, lit up, connected, and radiant.  Your beauty shines through every surface of your being and everyone feels that.  Thank you for being exactly who you are on this very special day.

Love,

Your inner wise self

Try it out, see what comes out.. it is really grounding & almost healing.  Now, do I love my round, soft, and sometimes ‘too fat’ belly every day?  Certainly not! But I am working on it – day by day.

Used to be a regular utterance.  It hasn’t gotten much use since I shifted to a mostly whole food, plant based diet… but this phrase has been creeping up in my vocabulary recently.  It is winter.  It is cold.  I am bundled under bulky sweaters rather than slinky bikinis – but yet I find myself judging my body as if it should fit in a bikini.  Why?

I am learning to eat with the seasons, with what the earth provides.  I am learning to listen to my body & what it wants.  I didn’t run during this insanely frigid week in New York.  This morning I ate Ezekial Cinnamon Raisin Bread with melted dark chocolate topped with olive oil & a side of banana and peanut butter, it was incredibly delicious.

Winter is a time where fat is necessary. I need it, and I have gained it. Not much – but I feel it.  What can you do – but continue to take the next right steps for a glowing, radiant existence.

I am ending my day with a Tumeric Tea and enjoying this next right step.